You know that feeling, don't you? It's 3 a.m. and you're finally lying in bed, but your mind is wide awake. You're replaying the day, wondering if you gave enough attention to each baby, if you should have read one more book, or if you were too quick to grab a screen for a few minutes of peace. The question hangs in the air, heavy and persistent: "Am I doing enough?"
First, let me tell you something: The fact that you are even asking this question means you are an incredible mom. It means you are deeply invested, compassionate, and dedicated to your children's well-being. This feeling of guilt is not a sign of failure; it's a byproduct of having a huge heart and a lot on your plate.
Let's normalize this. The guilt is real, and it’s especially powerful when you have multiples. There's an inherent impossibility in giving two (or more) babies your undivided attention at the exact same moment. You are not a superhero with a clone army. You are a human being doing a superhuman job.
The Power of "Good Enough"
I've been there. I remember days where I felt like I was just moving from one crisis to the next, never truly connecting with either of my children. The guilt was suffocating. I had to learn to let go of the idea of "perfect." There's no such thing. My kids didn't need a perfect mom; they needed a present and loving one.
Perfection is the enemy of progress. The goal isn't to be a perfect parent; it's to be a "good enough" parent. This means you meet your children's needs, you love them fiercely, and you do your best. And your best, especially on a Tuesday after a sleepless night, might look very different from your best on a Saturday after a full night's sleep. And that's okay.
A Simple Framework for Reframing Negative Self-Talk
The next time that wave of guilt washes over you, try this simple three-step process to reframe that negative self-talk.
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Acknowledge It: Don't fight the feeling. Just notice it. Say to yourself, "I'm feeling guilty that I couldn't do X today." This simple acknowledgment takes away some of its power.
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Challenge It: Now, ask yourself if that thought is truly fair. Is it a realistic expectation? For example, "Is it realistic to think I could give both babies 10 minutes of one-on-one reading time when I was the only one home and dinner needed to be made?" The answer is almost always a resounding no.
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Reframe It with Compassion: Finally, replace the negative thought with a compassionate one. Instead of, "I didn't do enough today," try, "I did the best I could with the energy and resources I had. My babies are safe, fed, and loved, and that is more than enough."
You are already giving so much. Your children are thriving because of your love, not in spite of your human limitations. Give yourself the same grace and compassion you so freely give to them.
What's one moment of guilt you can reframe with a little compassion right now?
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